Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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