Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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