I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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