I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
