Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize