I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
