You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When did angry sex become our thing?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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