Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
