so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
