Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
