Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
