I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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