She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize