your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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