I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
