the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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