come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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