my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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