Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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