I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
