I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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