I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
