Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
