I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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