allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
