I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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