census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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