Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
