Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You've changed since you got that strap on
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
