I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
