I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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