Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
