Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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