Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
