quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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