apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
