I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
