is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just gargled with NyQuil
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
