Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
