He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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