I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
