i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
