It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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