I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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