ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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