if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
