We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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