I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have fence marks all over my body
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
