I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
