Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
