if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
