If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
