What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize