If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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