Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
