I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
