Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
