Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
