Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
