so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
