i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize