I am puke
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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