He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
