i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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