I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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