just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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