I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
