Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
