I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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