The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
