sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
