the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
