i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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