I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
