I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
