There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
