Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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