I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
