A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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