i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
